i just want to smile when i think back to the youthful purity i once had.

"if 'i love you' was all i could ever say again, i could never say it enough to you!"--m.r.h

"when you find the right person, forever wont be long enough"--m.r.h

"i will hold you close to my heart,
and take you every where i go.
over the mountains and across the seas,
 in my heart you will always be."--m.r.h

he had been watching her, watching her scanning over the shelfs of books and movies. she would pick one up, look at it long and then place it back. move to the next do the same and then return to the last. he took the oppurtunity to approach her and the sales lady behind the counter.
"is that the one you wish to buy?"
she jumped startled, "uhm yes. well i do wish to have it, but i do not need it." she placed it back down and smiled up at the sales lady.
"well then i think you shall have it! bag it for her at once." he smiled at the sales lady and then at her. he reached for his wallet and removed a credit card.
"oh no, please don't, you don't need to do that."
"but i insist!" and before she could protest any more the book was charged and bagged. the sales lady handed to bag over to him and he attempted to hand it to her.
"i couldn't accept that from you."
"why not, because we are not aquanted? the become aquanted with me." he flashed her another smile and chuckled as he handed her the bag.
"thank you sir." she took the bag, and smiled at him. "but i have to ask, are you trying to buy my affections?"
"well actually i'm trying to buy your time, but if your affections come along with it that will only be a bonus! i only wish to know you, you seem to be someone worth knowing. so please all i ask is a cup of coffee and even that i will treat you. because i have no doubt you only wish to have a cup, but do not need it."
she laughed at his jest and could not resist accepting it. they spent most of the afternoon at a table in a coffee shop off of a back street. storms passed over and the rain fell off and on. she was more then happy to give him as much time as he wished and so they spent many afternoons sitting at that same coffee table, talking away the day.

since you've been gone,

the minutes have turned to hours,

the hours have fallen into days,

the days collect into weeks,

six months have passed me now.

 

i get through most days just looking at your face,

i've got pictures, but not the ones from the best days.

i pass my time not thinking of the way you left us here.

 

if i never hear your name again,

i'll be just fine.

if i only live off the memories,

i just might survevy.

but every time i think i hear your voice

i just want to die.

 

in the hush of a moment i can feel your touch,

sometimes i regret not telling you enough.

not telling you how much i love you.

 

some times the bad days just creep up,

they bring back all the lose i felt when i last held your hand.

since you've been gone i find it hard to look at your face,

since you been gone your chair is just an empty space.

 

i've counted the minuts,

lost track of the days.

the weeks fill my calender

as the months turn to haze.

all i have left now is to count the years,

to count the missed moments that you'll never be in.

 

the weddings you'll miss,

the births and first kisses.

graduations spent with an extra ticket, cause you wont be there.

children leaving the nest, going off on their own.

 

since you've been gone,

all i count is the moments you will miss...

Joanna had finished her shift and changed back into her street cloths. Ready to be done with the place that had just consumed 36 hours of her life. She walked to the nearest elevator and pressed the button. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Allen approaching her carrying a chart. She looked straight ahead trying not to draw Allen’s attention, but he appeared to be on a mission. Allen Fitzpatrick was a third year resident in the ICU. Joanna had first met him when he was doing his internship, she had been at the hospital for two years before he came. She was a confident, strong willed and honest woman before she had met him. That of course changed once they had started dating. Allen was six feet one with dark blond hair that he always parted on the right. He had these dark green eyes that always penetrated her thoughts, which was part of the problem. Allen knew what she was thinking long before she thought it. When they had first started, it was an innocent flirtation. He would ask why the patient in bed one was running a fever and she would reply it’s because you are so hot. Don’t you know that he heat up the room. Innocent things like that, but they quickly turned into a passionate fire. Too quickly for her taste and to her dismay. He used to be a nice man, always bring flowers and whispering sweet nothings. But he quickly turned into an asshole. At first she let herself it believe it was the stress, but when she caught him with one of the new interns, she couldn’t deal with it anymore. She walked away from there relationship, but couldn’t get away from him. He quickly closed in on her and began badgering her. “Nurse Bennet I have a bone to pick with you!” He stopped short of her personal bubble. “Why, is Mr. Row receiving no treatment for his vomiting, he obviously has a virus. What is it and why haven’t you found out what it is?” He waived the chart in front of her face to add emphasize to his question. “Well to be honest Dr. Fitzpatrick,” there was a tone of contempt in her words “I don’t know who Mr. Row. He is not in my wing. I could not tell you, why he hasn’t received his treatment. Further more my shift has been over for two hours and you can see where I’m still at.” She pressed the button again to show that she was done with him. He decided he wasn’t done and started with her again. He leaned into her “Jo, what are you doing? Why haven’t you answered my calls?” She pulled away and looked him in the eyes, “Its simple Allen, we are over.” The elevator doors opened and she stepped in. Looked at him and shook her head as the doors closed. He was out of sight and she was glad for her peace. She leaned against the wall and let out a sigh. The things just kept piling up and she was ready to just go home and crawl into bed. Ready to be out of the place that would surely be her death as it had quickly consumed her life. The ding brought her back to the world and she stepped off of the elevator as it was flooded with hospital staff and patients. The lobby was busy and bustling, but her mind was too dulled to deal with it. She sat down on a nearby couch, letting her body spread out as her jacket and bag fell carelessly at her feet. Joanna threw her head back over the couch and let out a sigh. She began to wonder back in time, to a time when things were better between herself and Allen. Part of her missed those days. She missed being able to climb into Allen’s arms and just let the stress of the day melt away. But like many things they were long passed. “Well you look exasperated.” An unfamiliar, European voice seemed to hover over her. With her eyes closed and her head still back, “Well at least that’s one emotion I can show.” He laughed, “You can add charming to that list as well.” She sat up and looked at him, he was grinning in front of her. He extended his hand “Hi, I’m Charlie.” She stared at his hand, judged it clean and took it in her hand, “I suppose we could put charming in your list too. I’m Joanna, most call me Jo.” “Pleasure to meet you Jo, do you work here or are you visiting?” “Not so much as work here as live here.” He laughed at her and took the seat beside her. “Well you sound thrilled. I’m just visiting. An old mate from university just had her baby. A little boy I think, or maybe it was a big boy. Not sure, I know it was a boy!” he chuckled, “At least I hope it was a boy otherwise they might want to get the third arm thing checked out.” She smiled at his joke. She wasn’t as annoyed with him as when he first interrupted her moment of solitude. His appearance wasn’t too bad, he was maybe six feet or shorter, with wavy brown hair and a blue eyes. She was trying to decide weather he was from British or Australian. He smiled at her, and acknowledged her annoyance and curiosity. “I’m British and I’m sorry to have disturbed you, you just look like you needed a friend. Or at least some human contact.” “It’s alright. I haven’t decided weather I was annoyed or not. It’s just been a long day, hell it’s been a long year. I wasn’t trying to be rude.” “Well, I was the one being rude, I interrupted you.” He got up and extended his hand “It was a pleasure meeting you Jo!” “Likewise Charlie, hope your friends baby doesn’t have a third arm.” He laughed and turned to leave. He got maybe five steps when he decided to turn around. “Jo, I know this is going to sound weird, but would you like to maybe get a meal sometime?” Jo thought over and wasn’t eager to go out with a complete stranger. “See I told you it would be weird.” He smiled one last time and walked away. “Wait Charlie!” she stood up and followed him, “How about you give me your number and if I want to I’ll call. Otherwise, sorry Charlie.” She chuckled, “sorry, didn’t mean to make that joke.” “Don’t worry, not the first time I’ve heard it.” He smiled at her and pulled out his wallet. He opened it up and all his pictures flipped out. He laughed and told her “Got a lot of siblings, lots of nieces and nephews.” He folded it back up and pulled out a business card. He closed his wallet and put it back in his back pocket. “I’ll be in town until next Thursday. Then I fly back to London, so if you don’t call me before then, call me any ways. I would like to talk to you more.” She took the card and looked it over one. “I’ll do that Charles A. Darcy. Executive Director.” He smiled and looked to the ground. He looked back up at her and said good bye one more time. She ran her fingers over the cards surface absent mindedly as he walked towards the elevators. She smiled as she watched him get on, but as Allen stepped off her smile vanished.